


For the World's More Full of Weeping Than You Can Understand

by veleda_k



Category: Shoujo Kakumei Utena | Revolutionary Girl Utena
Genre: F/F, Fairy Tales, Hints of Akio/Anthy, Slighty Experimental, stories about stories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2019-02-15 17:32:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13036020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veleda_k/pseuds/veleda_k
Summary: Anthy knows the stories Utena doesn't.





	For the World's More Full of Weeping Than You Can Understand

**Author's Note:**

  * For [biichan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/biichan/gifts).



> Title from "The Stolen Child" by W. B. Yeats

Ohtori is made of stories. (This is true but misleading. All _people_ are made of stories, Anthy more than most.) Old stories, the kind that remember a time when the land bled magic and the fair folk walked freely. (Once upon a time, there was a goddess who loved her brother very much.)

Utena thinks she understands Ohtori’s stories. She thinks they’re the stories she knows. (Once upon a time, a handsome prince rescued a beautiful princess, and they lived happily ever after.) She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t see, because to see would be too frightening.

Utena is kind. Utena is selfish. Utena is brave, foolish, and oh-so mortal. Sometimes Anthy feels the urge to wrap her hands around Utena’s throat. Sometimes she wants to spirit Utena to a place so far away that no one will be able to find them, to _hurt them_ ever again.

(Once upon a time, a fairy queen took a liking to a fair young mortal.)

Anthy still reads fairy tales sometimes. She doesn’t need to. She knows them all by heart. (Knows them by her tongue, and her bones, and the swords that pierce her flesh.) Still, sometimes she longs for that particular kind of pain. A distraction from other kinds of pain, or maybe just another way to twist the knife. 

Utena settles down next to Anthy. “What’re you reading?” 

“Fairy tales, Utena-sama.”

Utena brightens. “I love fairy tales. Will you read some out loud?”

Anthy smiles her brightest smile. “Of course.” She restarts _Allerleirauh_. Utena’s expression quickly changes as Anthy tells the story.

“Himemiya, that’s horrible! You can’t be reading it right.” Utena glares at page. “This can’t be a real fairy tale. The princess… and her father…” she shakes her head.

“It’s not an uncommon theme,” Anthy remarks. “This one ends happily, at least.” 

Utena shakes her head again. “Himemiya, fairy tales are supposed to be _nice_!”

Anthy smiles comfortingly. “Of course, Utena-sama.” (Once upon a time, there was a girl who couldn’t protect herself.) “Are you hungry? I could make shaved ice.”

Utena smiles indulgently at her. “Sure, Himemiya, thank you.” Her attitude changes, with what just occurred no longer thought about.

It's what Anthy expected. At the beginning of their engagement, Anthy never would have risked revealing so much, but she’s learned enough about Utena to know that she’ll forget anything that might disrupt her worldview.

(Once upon a time, there was a prince who did not know what fear was.)

Anthy tells herself that Utena’s naivety is to her advantage. She tries not listen to that small part of her that wishes that finally, Utena would stop looking at what she imagines Anthy to be, and see her for herself, ugly as she is.

(Once upon a time, there was an evil queen. Once upon a time, there was an ugly witch. Once upon a time, they were one and the same.)

Mortals who enter the fairy realm have a habit of not finding their way out again. It can be curiously difficult to leave Ohtori. True, most of the students will pass through and move on, disturbing nothing, changing nothing, being nothing. But others will leave a little bit of their hearts behind and never understand the quiet, constant ache. And still others? They never quite leave. (Once upon a time, a computer like man wanted to give his beloved eternity.) Anthy doesn’t like to think which of these Utena will be.

(Because she already knows. Once upon a time, there wasn’t a happy ending.)

Utena chatters about lunch, or their teachers, or anything she happens to be thinking about, and Anthy tries not to find comfort in it. She tries to keep herself hard and cold. She _needs_ to keep herself hard and cold. The swords are so, so sharp, and there are so, so many of them. Anthy has not broken in all these eons. She can’t break now. (It’s a lie, she broke long ago. Once upon a time, there was a girl who lied.)

No mortal should trust a fairy, but they do, over and over again. Others think they can beat the fairies at their own game, but that rarely goes as people wish. Anthy has seen the would-be swindlers come and go. They don’t do any better than the fools in the long run.

Utena, of course, is a fool through and through. There is no deviousness in her, no trickery. Just a naïve recklessness and no thought for consequences. (Once upon a time, mortals went to the land of fairies, never knowing what they might lose.)

Utena isn’t the first to be lured in. She won’t be the last. And she won’t know the truth of where she is until it’s too late. That’s the trick.

(Once upon a time, there was a pleasant fairy land. Once upon a time, there was an eerie tale to tell.)

“You look pretty deep in thought.”

Anthy gives Utena one of her usual smiles. “Not really, Utena-sama.”

Utena responds with a penetrating look that appears out of place on her face. “You know you could tell me what you were thinking, right? If you wanted.”

“Of course.”

Utena sighs. “Just… just as long as you know.”

(Once upon a time, a girl lived at the top of a very tall tower that no one could scale. And she wanted it that way.)

At night, Anthy leaves Utena’s bedside, and tries to believe she is not leaving her heart there as well. She does what she must.

(Why would proud Titania bear the tyranny of Oberon? Who can know but Titania herself?)

In the day, Anthy makes cookies, and sometimes even she forgets whether she remembered the poison. Do the cookies taste like bitter almonds? Does the tea have the sweet poison of lead? Anthy likes to imagine they do. She takes another sip of tea, lets it wash over her tongue. She smiles at Utena, and this time she means it. She bites her lip and tastes poison, but she suspects that’s the poison inside her. She smiles wider.

(Once upon a time, once upon a time, once upon a…

**Author's Note:**

> You can find the text of "Allerleirauh" here: https://www.cs.cmu.edu/~spok/grimmtmp/051.txt


End file.
